PerfectionDefined.com

My little fucktard Mr. Reed called back this evening asking to invest in more Jerk-Off Equities.  So, I told him that a really popular stock is “BlowJobs Unlimited”, or BJU, and that he simply had to buy some.  Naturally, he obeyed, and started counting out the strokes.  I could tell he really likes the word “Blowjob”, because everytime I said “BlowJobs Unlimited”, he would start whimpering and stroking faster.  Pretty soon he had stroked out $200.  I think the stupid loser has something like 90 shares of completely worthless Jerk-Off Equities now!
============================================

Blowjob Blowjob Blowjob!

I figured that since Mr. Reed really likes the word “blowjob”, I should make him buy a stock called “Blowjob Blowjob Blowjob”.  So I sent him a quick little “Princess Amber’s Investment Tips” newsletter, telling him about this exciting new company he had to invest in.  He couldn’t resist.  He called and started stroking, and I kept saying “Blowjob Blowjob Blowjob” over and over and over.  I could tell he was close to cumming, so I quickly raised the rate to $5 a stroke.  He spent another $200 on 20 shares of “Blowjob Blowjob Blowjob”, which is a FAKE STOCK and has a value of ZERO FUCKING DOLLARS.  LMAO at fucktard Mr. Reed!  Enjoy your worthless 110 shares of absolutely nothing, you idiot!

So barely an hour after breaking his New Year Resolution, Mr. Reed sent me an email about some stupid fantasy he has about me being a stock broker and selling him shares of “Jerk-Off Equities” while he strokes the purchase price out of his cock.  What the fuck???  I guess he was getting bored with just stroking and paying.  But who I am I to argue with a fucking idiot?  So I replied, “Sure, Mr. Reed, I’ll be happy to be your sexy little stock broker!”  Sure enough, he called right away.  I told him he could buy 1 share of my most popular stock, Princess Amber’s Ass (PAA) for $10 a share at $1 per stroke.  LOL!  I’ve never heard anyone stroke his cock 100 times so fast in my life!  Then I sold him some shares of Blowjobs Unlimited (BJU), and then some FRS (Fucktard Rehabilitation Services).  I think the poor moron thinks they’re real. 

Anyway, I’m $200 richer, and Mr. Reed has a cute little Investment Portfolio Statement I made up for him listing all the worthless Jerk-Off Equities he now “owns”.  I told him if he was lucky, those stocks might pay out some “stroke dividends”, maybe 5 strokes per share or something.  Taxable, of course!

Now I’m thinking up new fake stocks for Mr. Reed to “invest” in.  So far I have Bank of Amber (BOA) and Orgasm Denial Specialists (ODS).  Send me ideas!

A few days ago, stupid Mr. Reed posted a comment to my blog:

“Happy New Year, Prince$$ Amber!  I made a New Year$ Re$olution to give up phone $ex and pay-per-$troke!”

I guess that was supposed to impress me, although the dollar signs were kind of cute.  Anyway, that resolution lasted about 3 days!  Earlier today, I noticed Mr. Reed was online, so I zapped him with an instant message, telling him to call me to discuss his “resolution”.  So the stupid fucktard called, all whiny and whimpering about how he can’t afford phone sex anymore, he needs to save money, blah blah blah.  But as soon as he heard my voice, he crumpled like a used condom.  I told him to take out his cock and start counting the strokes.  Naturally, he couldn’t resist, and I quickly jacked the rate up to $10 per stroke.  And in no time at all, Mr. Reed had stroked $300 out of his cock!

Happy New Year, Mr. Reed, you fucktard!  2008 is the year of your financial ruin!  Now call back for more abuse!